The Hope Neuron

It’s the machine tapping on my brain. That’s essentially what it feels like. Today was the second day, and second success of the TMS treatments.

I say success not because I’m already seeing a difference, but because I managed to get up, out of bed and take the bus over to the Center on time. I am quite pleased with that, considering I haven’t had an obligation like that since I was taking university courses, many moons ago.

It was cold today, and I regret not having my tougher boots on. I spent a lot more time waiting around for buses than I did getting the therapy. The process for TMS is pretty efficient. I think I was in and out today in roughly 15 minutes.

I’m not doing great with tasks. I haven’t started up more than writing time and getting out of bed. Still, it’s a start. I’m not going to start beating myself up about what I’m not doing. It doesn’t help. I know that. It never has. It also occurs to me that planning to build up habits before I have gone through this treatment for my depression was a bit ambitious.

Not that I’m going to set aside my plans. I know I have to keep daring to change my behaviour, even when my mood isn’t great. I just don’t think I need to worry about a slight delay. I have 20-30 days total of this new schedule. Sticking to that schedule is the most important part of my improvement right now.

So yay, weekend is here. Time to relax a bit. Prepare yourselves, neurons, for on Monday you will be knocked on once more!