The Hope Neuron

This not the blog. Or not THE blog. This is a blog while I prepare THE blog, though I am starting to wonder why I’m being so paranoid about launching it.

It’s a broader, portfolio-type site that I’ve been working on for some time. I guess that’s part of it. I want to have more to it before it’s up and running. I feel like I ought to.

But is that right? What’s the harm in putting up an imperfect version? I’m having a hard time with this because it’s my natural instinct to think that I’m not good enough. I have to fight against the negative slant that is so easy to cast over everything I do.

Still, sitting here, trying to put into words why the other blog can’t go up makes me realize that, ultimately, I don’t have a good excuse. I’m just scared for some abstract, nebulous reason. It’s going to go wrong, says the brain. It’s going to go wrong and then you’ll have ruined it and you can’t ruin it.

This is the same suspect logic that brought me to the point of avoiding a personal project of mine. I was so worried about it going wrong that I didn’t acknowledge that never doing it wasn’t any better. So I’m trying to acknowledge that now.

Maybe I’ll do it the “wrong way”… but I can’t get anything out of it if I don’t try. I promise to try.