The Hope Neuron

So there have been some of each since I last checked in. Mostly ups? Hard to say.

When I think about how spring went, I can’t say I’m entirely comfortable with it. Then again, the hesitations and misguided behaviours have brought me to this point, and I am cautiously optimistic that things are going to go up from here.

I have some new support in my efforts to improve. Therapies, to be specific. With the help of these, I have slowly begun to get back on track. My pace has slowed way down in terms of tasks and expectations. Still, the small things I can check off day by day are reassuring.

Basic self-care, medication punctuality, and a few chores are the center of my focus. It sounds a little pathetic when I write it out, but I have to remind myself who this needs to matter to. Whose opinion I should be worrying about. Mine, of course.

The idea that successes don’t mean anything because they are small is not something I believe in. It all matters. I am finding my way back from a long history of struggle, and it’s not over yet. It seems to me that appreciating my progress is also a success, in its own way.

I want to keep posting on this blog, but at the same time, I worry about unbalancing the habits I am currently trying to build. My other writing is one of those habits, namely fiction projects and poetry. I haven’t decided if this blog is an important outlet on the side, or a distraction from efforts I could be making elsewhere. I only have so much in me, so much steam on any given day.

Whatever the answer is to the blog question, I thought I would at least post this one. My other blog, the showcase-style one, I’ve put on hold for now. I think trying to maintain two blogs is definitely more than I can chew right now.

Ps: back up your data. Do it now. I recently lost a great deal of writing, photos and art because I had procrastinated on backing up certain data. It was a pretty defeating experience. Remember: your hard drive doesn’t care if you intend to do it next week. It might still crash today. It’s a hard lesson, trust me.