Next week, I am going on a trip. I am nervous in some ways because I want to make the most of it, but mostly I’m eager to get going.
We’re taking the train to New Brunswick and staying in a motel cabin right by the beach. The general plan for the duration of the stay is to have no general plan. Sit, do nothing, enjoy, and probably take a few pictures.
It’s a little tricky taking a vacation without taking my anxiety with me, but I aim to do my best.
I know that I can’t control all the elements, such as how tired I might get over the journey. (I can’t sleep on the train, and the trip goes overnight.) But even knowing what I can’t control isn’t quite the same thing as feeling it.
The disconnect there is a frustrating one. I haven’t gotten the hang of internalizing all of the things I know to be true. I guess until then I will have to keep reminding myself.
It’s similar to the mental traps that get me. Things like jumping to conclusions or catastrophizing or black and white thinking. I know they exist, but I still find myself getting caught by them. At least when I remind myself of them, it gets easier to repair the damage they do. Mostly.
So let’s remember! I’m allowed to get tired. It’s a natural thing that happens. I’m allowed to relax. It’s the whole point of the vacation. I’m allowed to prioritize this trip and, by extension, my own wellbeing.
The hardest part before we leave is going to be waiting until it’s time to leave. Until then I am bound to keep asking myself if I’m forgetting something. Once we’re on our way, it won’t matter. Won’t that be nice?
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